what do you want from me?!

No, really.
What DO you people want from me when you insert completely irrelevant information like "yeah, I'm a writer" into a conversation that has nothing to do with that subject? A pat on the back? An awed air of respect?
It's like when you talk to a girl and she turns the conversation to herself, then says something like "I'm a dancer (singer/artist/photographer/model)" with what she thinks is a cute smile, you can almost feel the wave of smugness emanating from her. Am I supposed to like you better, respect you more for your complete lack of modesty and pathetic cry for attention from a mere acquaintance?

And people do this to me all the time. Apparently it’s a socially acceptable way to have a “conversation” now, derailing it to supply your conversational partner with worthless trivia that is supposed to make them like you more, and validate your existence somehow. It’s not really that part that annoys me so much, it's the fact that they're usually terrible at whatever they claim to be:

"I'm a writer"= I write pretentious, wordy, worthless crap in my parents' basement and will never get anywhere in life because I’m so full of myself I’ll never learn to take direction or feedback on my work.

“I’m a singer” (blonde bimbo) = I sing off-key karaoke with the wrong lyrics at the local bar when I’m wasted and all my bimbo friends tell me I’m good so I keep doing it.

“I’m a singer” (pretentious bimbo) = My parents let me (forced me to) take voice classes since I was five, so I can almost hold a note when I’m not singing in that fake high voice that I think makes me hot. I love my voice so much that I’ll burst into song while walking down the sidewalk, and hum in the middle of classes, and I have no shame because I’m sure everyone loves me as much as I love myself.

“I’m a musician” – see above –or- I own an accoustic guitar that I pick up once every two months to strum, out of tune, while humming some folk ballad. –or- I own an electric guitar that I almost never pick up because I’m too busy doing things like buying leather wrist guards and “rocker” attire from made-in-china chain stores like Hot Topic, all the while thinking I’m a individual and unique rebel.

“I’m a model” = I’m an insecure whore, out of touch with the reality of what gives a woman worth and value in this world. I wear too much makeup and too few clothes, and project the attitude that I’m better than everyone, when in reality, I’m pathetically inadequate on every level. I only say I’m a model because I think it makes people like me, when the truth is, I’ve only had my picture taken for some contest or worse, a Shopko ad.

“I’m a dancer”= I take pilates classes at my local gym and/or flail around half-naked on my local dance team to shitty hip-hop music/strip for a living while wearing sweatpants that say “DANCER” on the ass, all of which will never result in respect from anyone except the idiots doing the same thing right next me.

"I'm a gamer" = I play WoW or some other mindless button-pushing sociopathic-attracting game because my boyfriend is borderline mentally retarded and won't give me the time of day unless I do. I don't bother to learn to play the game, and instead get by on declaring that I'm a girl every five minutes to anyone that will listen to me. I wear thickframed glasses that I don't even need and order tacky shirts 2 sizes too small that say stupid things like "GRL GAMR" because the guys on my games told me the picture of my cleavage that I posted online was hot.

“I’m a photographer”= I run around with my pink camera snapping shots of puppies and fences, then develop them at Walmart and change them to black and whites in Photoshop, all the while thinking I’m a deep, innovative individual. I take photography classes and sit smiling smugly while the teacher lectures because I already know everything.

“I’m a digital artist”= see above –or- I draw Hawaiian flowers on my notebook then scan them into Illustrator and then use the tools instead of my lack of skills to make them look like every other piece of uncreative “graphic design” that has come out in the last five years. I bring my Mac notebook to the computer lab and browse Facebook and MySpace instead of doing the lesson because I can’t learn anything from anyone.

I could go on with this alllll day.
Hey everybody! I’m a writer.